Ah the terrible trio. Gracing our screens every Sunday night in various stages of ageing acceptance. Jeremy = middle aged and resigned. James = middle aged and loving it. Richard = clinging onto youth like the wet dog smell in an old Citroen Xantia.
But the truth is, they brighten up a Sunday night like no other show can. Period dramas go out of the window in favour of watching Top Gear awkwardly stage hilarious caravan blow-ups and attempts to get from Edinburgh to London on 14p of petrol.
They’re criticised from every angle imaginable, but in its 21st series, Hamster, Captain Slow, Clarkson and The Stig still reap astronomical viewing figures. They’re probably the most grossly overpaid presenters in the world too.
Now we can’t afford a spanking brand new 911 like Richard or buy a Panda just for the novelty (probably) like May, but there’s an everyday Hammond, May and Clarkson in us all. And trust me, you don’t need to drive an Enzo to exhibit the symptoms.
So what’s your Top Gear driving style and realistically what would Hammond, Clarkson and May be cruising around in if they weren’t on the waiting list for a new supercar?
The ‘junior management’ Hammond
You’re young, funky and need a hot-hatch to prove it. 37 is young, right?
At the weekend, you attend track days, car shows and anything else which verifies your petrol head credentials. A funky show plate with ‘BIG BOY 1’ embossed on it is obviously standard attire at such events. Visit our car show plate builder to get your own ‘Hammond-esque’ plate.
Most likely to buy: Renault Clio Sport with a ‘never took it up the ring’ Nurburgring sticker on the back.
Most likely to say: I can fit a girl in the passenger seat!
The ‘above average-salary accountant’ Clarkson
Your hatred of motorbikes, horse-trailers, cyclists, caravans, lorries and anything else that exists to slow you down is burning and anything that requires any effort (i.e. manual convertibles) simply cannot be contemplated. You like your comfort, you like a coffee holder and a leather-clad gear stick is an absolute must.
Most likely to buy: Jaguar XF
Most likely to say: The best buttock cradling seats. In the WORLD.
The ‘2.4 kids’ May
Ah, back in the day you drove a rather nippy old MR2, but now needs must and the family comes first. Vomit-proof seats as standard, child locks and a dog cage are the only trim you’re on the lookout for now.
Most likely to buy: Citroen C4
Most likely to say: Marvellous sat nav
Of course, why be an everyday Hammond, May or Clarkson, when in reality you know you’re a bona-fide Stig?
Some say he’s an awesome man from Manchester….